Everyday that I wake up, I see Noelle's beautiful face next to me and as soon as I open my eyes, she smiles really big at me. I always say "good mooorrnniinng" and she smiles again then starts to crawl all over me. Then, I think of how I don't have my husband next to me. Its hard to want to be motivated after that hurt feeling. I start planning things in my head to do thru he day to stay busy. Most of the time its hard to keep going. I think how I'm going to have to videotape Noelle opening her 1st years Christmas presents because he can't be here. As sad as that makes me... how absolutely wonderful is it that he'll be able to see that!!??! What a blessing! The days that Noelle is fussy are the days thats really hard. When he was here on leave it became so easy and he was suuuchh a huge help. At times like this when Ellie is asleep back in her car seat and I'm parked waiting till she wakes up to let her rest a bit.. I sit here and wonder about everything. About my life and about my litle family. We are so lucky to have each other. I hear people say all the time "Christmas isn't about presents" but this year I really get it. Its about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and being together! I think we really do let that go without even thinking twice. We get so caught up in shopping that we just forget. Now that I don't have the person who means the most, I see it now. Please, please be grateful that you have your loves ones close and theyre not on the other side of the world. We can't even look at the sunrise or the moon together because we're at opposite times :( I have really learned to stop taking advantage of time spent together. I'm most grateful that soon enough he'll be back and that's the best feeling to feel! God will lead us back where he wants us.

Love and a heavy heart..
Kara

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