Oh Romeo.

I have been feeling like a terrible parent. Not to Noelle, but to ROMEO. 

Poor guy. 

I give him the worst parenting ever now that Noelle is around. 

I yell at him not to beg but demand he eat anything dropped on the floor.

He's like a ROCK in bed so we shuffle him around until Maxx gets frustrated and says he's not allowed in bed anymore. (He always gives in the next day, though :)

His breath stinks so bad, no matter if I brush his teeth or not

He's been getting into any trash and it makes him stink sooo bad- making me have to give him more constant baths. (which is SO not convenient)

He rolls in dead things when I let him outside and comes in to try and get on the couch. (gag)

I can't count all the things that drives me nuts! I caught all of this after I finally  said "I hate this stupid dog!" 

How terrible?! But I feel like it's always something. But the poor guy! I must totally ignore him all the time and just talk and play with Noelle. On the other hand, NOELLE is obsessed with him. He isn't quite so fond of her but she lovesss him and cries out for him everywhere we go. So he gets lots of attention by me telling her to "be nice" or pet him "soft".

I can't imagine when we have more kids! The things is that I used to/still do loves DOGS! What happened? He's not really a bad dog so why am I always so mad at him? He has been rebelling a lot more now that I'm back at work, though. He's not liking it very much at all.

When it came down to taking this trip to FL, we debated on taking him and of course I said we'd go ahead and haul him on down. Because you see, he's always been like my "kid" and he went everywhere with us. But after a few days of thinking about it, I decided he could just stay back. We have friends that have pups (and are awesome owners :) so I felt comfortable leaving him there with them for the duration of our trip.

Since we were supposed to be leaving at 6am, Maxx dropped Romeo off the evening before, while I was at work. As soon as I got home I started eating some leftovers that were still on the counter. I dropped my very first bite and yelled "Roooommmeeoo" to come eat my cheesy macaroni shell. 

I didn't hear his nails running across the floor. 

I didn't feel his wet kisses on my feet.

I didn't see the macaroni gone!

I suddenly got sad.

I've never had him not there for 3 entire years.

Romeo has just been there- through it all.

Now, I sit here remembering all the things he has been with me through. 

Moving, traveling, cooking (he hates when I fry food for some reason), first snow, having a baby, working, not working, working again....

When it comes down to it I'm just missing my buddy. I think I may have re-kindled a new spot for the little man and I'll try to be more appreciative of his loyal friendship to me. I mean, he is still just a dog after all, but he's still my baby. 

I don't think I could EVER give him away but this does put a hold on getting another (bigger) dog like Maxx wants. I have heard, however, that he may be better with a companion.  
Oh, dear.

Views

I am almost to 400 views on my little ole' blog! I'm so happy! I started this for myself but have heard positive reviews from friends/readers so it's made me want to continue to write about different things. If anyone has anything they'd like me to cover or write about, you can send me a message on FB or just write an anonymous comment if you don't have your own blog. 

I love feedback and reallly enjoy writing about things that can help other people, besides just blogging about what's going on with me.

Anyways, thanks for all who's read and support my little blog. I look forward to expanding with new readers.

XOXO

More overload, and finding a balance

What a brain. 

What a brain I have. 

What a brain my brain must think it is.

I have this huge habit of over thinking things and just digging myself into this trench. My brain thinks it can tell assume what people are thinking about me. I used to really care what people thought about me. I've never let it actually show, but I really wanted to please everyone. Now- I am really not that way. Of course, I'd still prefer to get along with everyone but now I'm thinking "Who cares! I'm going to do my own thing regardless." Especially now, with this CRAP on my face, I'm now realizing, it's just whatever. I can tell who's really a true/potential friend to me. I'll keep on keepin' on. 

Other than that, I've been getting down on myself so bad for things I can't seem to get done. I am a total master list maker and now, it will take me an entire 2 days to check off a 4 item list of "to-do's". I am constantly getting frustrated with myself that I can't "do it all". It can sound silly if you want, but I'm just used to getting it all done flawlessly! I can have everything dusted, washed, cleaned, scrubbed, and sanitized. I have a dry-erase board on the fridge and all it ever says is which bills to pay, what things need to be done, and when to take the trash to the road. BORING! I spend my mornings with Ellie but can stare at my to do list and turn the other way and find something more "fun" to do. Is this house wife rebellion??? If so, I hope it doesn't last too long, because I don't want to get sloppy. As of now, I am sucking it up and doing what I need to but can't I just hang out for a while?? No more duties, please.

Tweeting?

  My priorities are still ever changing, and it's because Noelle is changing so much, in a way. I have made a few friends at work, so I'm figuring I'm not so much a loser anymore, hahaha! But she is in that stage to where she tries to do what she wants and it can be embarrassing. It's not really her being bad, but it's her being a KID. I'm still adjusting into that myself, because she's so sweet, but now she's sweet when she needs to be! She knows what she's doing. I brought her into work today on my day off and she did exactly what a typical KID would do. She was shy and quiet (kind of), she didn't listen to anything I said, and just about threw a fit every time I stopped her from doing something she wanted to do. Instead of hooking it up with high fives to go around as usual, she kept saying "Romeo" (our dog) and "shoes"... which is a crazy stand off for a 1 1/2 yr old that has a huge vocabulary of a gillion words. She's so social at the darn grocery store, so it was frustrating for her to act differently to people I actually know and want her to like! I guess this is just the beginning of having a soon to be two year old. Maxx and I both agreed today that we need to get her out more. We used to go to the park all the time and do out doors things but life is happening and it's easy to forget. She needs to be out other than the grocery store, etc. (btw, she had her first day of daycare yesterday and she did awesome! I lost it, but she did great and the staff was fantastic.) Anyway, Noelle is still my #1 no DOUBT, but I am wanting to actually do other things after her bed time now. Before, I was complacent just hanging out on the couch till I shuffled to bed, but now I want to have some sort of social life again. Nothing crazy, I am still Mama, but I want to enjoy being around people again. I still want to be 22. Maxx and I should still have some fun besides having people over every weekend. I love that it's low key but at the same time, we need to get out, too. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy mama as is, but I think getting out will boost it up :)

Blueberry baby

On another note.. we're leaving for Florida in 9 dayssss!! I work 7 days straight leading up to our vacation, but it'll be worth it. I can't wait to see my mom, brothers, my Nana, and my cousin! Eeepp! We're also planning a trip down to Key West while we're there. Paradise! Maxx has never been, and to bring Noelle is going to be GREAT!

My cousin/best friend Melissa and I

 All in all, I'm grateful for where I am in my life and the place God has brought me. It's all because of Him.

A (very) open (embarassing) letter

Alright then, I am going to write this blog.

This isn't really that big of a deal in reality.. but to me this is heartbreaking.

Here goes. I get cold sores. That's it. It doesn't sound all crazy like "I have cancer" or something much more serious, but this is a very public issue for a pretty vain person. (I mean, I am not really a vain person but in reality we all are at least a little).

I am about to explain every reason I need to justify this. Anyone who does not get them will not have the ability to understand. But getting cold sores are obviously not the worst thing that people have (visually, especially).

There are some people with extreme skin cancer, moles all over their face, scars, burns, discoloration, warts and many more things to see as a bystander. When you see these people what do you think and do? Some try not to stare, some just stare directly at them, and others just treat them the same as before. I am not trying to compare my situation to others, but I'm trying to explain how much I can understand what others go through with visual situations.

Well my story is simple, I have been getting them since I was very young. I get them maybe once a year, sometimes once every 2 years. It's always been so hard. It's a pain that I cannot explain. Not physically, but with every double take of a stranger, every stare, glance, whisper, and even from my own thoughts about just wondering what they're thinking of me hurts me so much.

Can you imagine? Do you know what a cold sore even is? Do you understand how people must feel? There isn't a thing a person can do to make you feel better but to treat you the exact same as they did before the giant thing appeared on your face just a few hours before. I have learned so, SO much from reading other people's blogs about some embarrassing situations they've been through. I've learned from reading it and people's story can make someone else feel better to know that they're not the only person going through it. I've been that person. The person that you think you're the ONLY person in the world that's going through that something.

Let me break this down and clear some facts up here.

Cold sores are also known as Fever blisters. I usually call it a fever blister, for some reason it sounds less ugly to me. Anyway, they are small blisters in/around the mouth. I only get them around the outside of my mouth. They are  contagious when the person is having an outbreak. It's not like your going to spread them at all times! You spread them through kissing, etc. I am not saying they can't be spread when someone isn't showing symptoms but it's definitely not as likely to happen. I do not kiss my baby or my husband the entire time I have the slightest symptom. That is just being careless and I WOULD NOT wish this on anyone. Especially my daughter! She is so beautiful and special, I pray that she would never feel this kind of pain.

Ok now, The most common assumption people have is that just because you have a cold sore, it means you have an STD. NOT TRUE. It hurts so bad to hear that, especially when you have been getting them since you were young. There are two types of the virus, Herpes Simplex Virus 1 and 2. HSV-1 is usually acquired orally during childhood and HSV-2 is usually sexually transmitted. I have HSV-1 since I got it as a child and it does not have anything to do with pertaining to sex. A good place to get pretty accurate information is HERE. please read this link, too. Also, about 80% of the US population has been exposed to it but not everyone "shows it". Cold sores are triggered by stress, fever, sun, weather changes, menstruation, foods (chocolate, beer...)

Anyway, this entire post is completely embarrassing for me. People will look at me differently from here on out. But this isn't who I am. I'm not disgusting or anything of the sort. It's a matter of circumstance to be honest. I decided to write this because A) I wanted people to know the facts. B) To help anyone else who gets them, and C) to free myself from it.

I feel like when I get a cold sore, I want to hide in a hole the entire 7 (more or less) days till it goes away. Unfortunately, I had to work the first 2 days (aka-the worst days). I decided to wear a band-aid over it to work (usually it isn't good to bandage it- you want it to dry out) but at work, I didn't want people to just stare. I felt like if they looked at a band-aid, it was better to wonder what was going on versus disgusted stares and whispers. Sigh. Also, I was lucky enough to have it be my husband's bday and all our friends came over for cake. Yay! CRAPP!!! IT WAS HUMILIATING! There are no other words. OK, I got back off track.

As I was saying, I wanted to write this to show my humility. Explaining this to the "public" is freeing me to no longer feel trapped inside this "secret". No one is perfect or has a perfect life. I feel as if this was God's way of pulling the reigns in a bit and putting my feet back on the ground. Sometimes, it's easy to get away from the important things (God) and focus on the "cosmetics" of ourselves. I can focus on coloring my hair, tweezing my brows, perfecting my eyeliner, giving myself a pedicure... I think this is just His way of saying "Kara, you're not perfect and need to stop trying to be. You're a human."

You may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it is, but again, it's hard to put yourselves in other people's shoes. I just want people to try and understand.

Alright. The time has come to click "Publish" and I'm going to pray now... lol! It's ok to talk about and ask questions, just no jokes- please (preferably not even behind my back.)

xoxo

About Mama Bee

A. age :: 22

B. bed size :: Queen

C. chore you hate :: Laundry (gag). lol I'm getting better

 
D. dogs :: Romeo Chugalo

E. essential start to your day :: Cuddling with my princess

F. favorite color :: Gold and Teal

G. gold or silver :: Gold.

H. height :: 5'5-6

I. instruments you play :: I used to play the flute. It's like riding a bike-right??

J. job title :: Mama, Wife, Wanna be blogger/writer, Barista

K. kids :: Noelle Elize

L. live :: Clarksville, TN.. from Fort Myers, FL <3

M. maiden name :: Rugulo

N. nicknames :: Mama Bee, Kara Jean, Sissy Boo, Princess

O. overnight hospital stays :: When Noelle was born and I got my C-section

P. pet peeve :: Inconsideration

Q. quote :: "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:5-9

R. righty or lefty :: Right handed

S. siblings ::Two older brothes; Chris and Cory

T. time you wake up :: Whenever Noelle wakes up. Anywhere between 7:30-8:30am

U. university attended :: Edison State University

V. vegetables you dislike: Asparagus

W. what makes you run late :: Sleep?

X. x-rays you’ve had :: Dentist

Y. yummy food :: My Bistec Ensebollado, My brother's fried pork chops, My mom's bbq, and my Nana's chicken and yellow rice. 

Z. zoo animal favorite :: All of them! Snakes, Giraffes, Zebras, monkeys..

BONUS:

-I lovvve chocolate

-I seriously love my daughter more than I ever thought would be possible. I'm still actually pretty hard on her. But I think I'm still soft in all the right places to her, as well.

-I try to smile a lot! Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much :) I just try to focus on God and positivity.

-I can't have just one tab open on my computer, I click around constantlllyy.

-I take way too many pictures of my kid. Actually, my phone just started rejecting pictures today from being too full. sigh.

-I have a passion for coffee. I do work with it, but I truly love everything about it. It's an art if you treat it that way. {nerrrrrddd.}

-I hate being barefoot and getting my feet dirty. UNLESS... I am specifically going mudding, etc.. 

-I have a subscription to Vogue and haven't read a single magazine that's been delivered to my house the entire year. Dear time, where have you gone?

-I really enjoy decorating my house. It makes me feel fabulous, even if I'm just rearranging.

-I also really enjoy encouraging people and making them feel good. Really. I don't know if I'd call it selfless but I really love helping people feel better and telling them all the truthful good things that they may not see themselves.

-I would love to actually to write a book but I don't know what about {yet}

-My dream has always been to open a business, like my grandparents, but I don't know what yet. I have a huge "entrepreneurial spirit." I want to do something that I can have my kid(s) with me through the day if I wanted.

-I have to clean my house before I leave anywhere. Seriously. My husband gets very irritated. 

-I drive pretty bad sometimes, but usually only because I'm usually taking pictures of Noelle, myself, or funny things I see around me. {I'm 'tryina' quit}

-I.am.cheap. Not about all things and especially not with everyone but If I can save money, I will. 

-I realllly enjoy cooking, I am not always very great, but It's so fun. Especially baking! {ps... I need a sifter}

-I really love being a wife and mother. It really makes me feel whole. 

-I clean my house a lot. Like bathrooms, baseboards, daily dusting. I consider it a good thing. 

-I am bad at laundry. Which is weird because my Nana is really good and she's taught me. I know the basics but can never remember to get them out of the washer the same day. oops.

-I make lists. a lot of lists. a lot. a lot. Fridge lists, post-its on the bathroom room mirror, calender events on my phone, notes on my phone, post-its on the computer, writing in my planner, etc... sheeesh.

-I love vintage. 

-I love reading good blogs and appreciate the honesty I read. It can help others.

-I always buy fresh fruit/vegetables, and they go bad because I can't remember to eat them in time. Or, well... I just don't even want them anymore.

-My kid has never had a sippy cup of juice. It's always been water, then at a year it was plain ole' milk. She's had sips of ours but that's it. Just the other day my hubs poured a tad of (decaf) passion fruit tea into her already full cup of water. That's it. {Doc is aware and encouraging towards it} Her "bowels" have always been in fantastic shape. HAHA

-It's 11:11 make a wish. {crap. I was looking at the microwave clock, the laptop only says 11:10. Okay. now make a wish. It's 11:11 (again).}

I have a ton more but this is getting rather lengthy. Tell me some facts about you!

Day(Night) dreaming

Here's what on my mind tonight- Florida! I need to start packing! That's crazy, because we're 3 weeks out! Anyway, I am stumped for what to get Maxx for his birthday next week. Yep, next week! Ugh. It's so hard to find something. I'm stumped, so I'll accept any ideas. You know it's bad when you type "cool backpacks for men" into Google. I know what he likes, but to choose is terrible! I don't want to even START thinking about our anniversary. So, since I couldn't find anything in his areas, I found some things I would love. Don't ya just love how women turn it into being about them. Yep. I can even do it online, too honey. :)

So this hat is for Ellie, you know when it gets cold later in October. hahaha. We heart anything and everything Minnie Mouse.

H&M

A lady always needs new accessories!

H&M

I need a new bed set! We just can't decide on what style we want to recreate in our bedroom. 

French Country- with very light, soft colors? ugh. JK, I totally do nottt like the French Country look!

Modern- with blacks & whites, sharp edges, and minimal clutter? Wait- can you do that with old(er) espresso colored furniture? NEXT! Wait, I found one that looks nice!

Asian- Reds and golds? (Oh- and in case you were wondering... yes. Our master bedroom looks JUST like this one!) 

Vintage Chic- Bold statement colors with random antique pieces/art?

Ok so I am lovvving this bed! Do you see the books under the front leg?? LOVE! That could be me- uh hu... right there with that cup O' coffee day dreaming out my window (with what appears to be the closed drapes? maybe not.)

I love the vinyl headboard to this..

Then there's Royalty Status- Navy Blues, patterns, and long drapes?

While we're at it, maybe Noelle can have this-

well.... she's still only 16 months old so maybe not yet.

Alright well that was a bunch of adorable bedroom sets that made me dream even worse! Bed for me! To anyone who reads this, take my advice: Dream a little for yourselves. It's healthy. Make a few changes- dramatic or not. Have a little fun today (or tomorrow if it's bed time.)

xoxox

Mama Bee

Hey, Dude!

Helllloooo..

I had a few days off of work and guess what, I did almost absolutely nothing! I basically just laid and cuddled with Noelle for 3 days! Seriously, it was awesome! I had the morning off today, too and I had such an AMAZING morning with her. She told me to take her hand and she walked me to the bay window and asked me to sit so we could look outside together. We sat and talked and then started singing "This Little Light of Mine" and she loves it! She tried to sing along with a little "suh-shiiii" (sunshine) and "ha-ppppiiee" (happy) and it's probably the most adorable thing ever. She enjoyed seeing my purple eyeshadow in the sun and proceeded to poke me in my eyes to tell me all about it.

August has already sucked us in and it's only day 4! Maxx has been looking for another car and I've been planning our trip to FLORIDA! We cannot waiiiiit to see our family! It's been about 5 months, which is a long time for me! 

I haven't taken as many pictures as usual lately because I feel like sometimes it can ruin a special moment. At times, we should just embrace what's happening in front of us instead of trying to capture it in a picture for later. But, I am kind of sad because we've had a lot of special moments together these last few weeks. That's ok, it's just something Noelle and I will just have to share between us :)

Just quickly wanted to mention that I was listening to a not-so-positive song today that I really like. That might not make sense but it's just one of those songs you shouldn't like because of the ridiculous things it's about, but you can't help dancing to it, etc. Well it didn't get me down or anything but when I put on a different, positive song, my mood got much better, things got a little brighter (yea, cheesy).. I always try and surround myself with positive things so I can be a better person but sometimes things/people get a hold of us and try and suck us in. Even though it might be the hard thing to do, sometimes you've just got to do your own thing. 

 

Okay, I had to add this really quick!  I was waiting for my pictures to upload for this post so I was on FB and saw a link to my FAVORITE blog, The Weigands. I've talked about her before and her post today is EXACTLY what has been on my heart these past few days. What she's talking about is such a hard thing to do, so I just encourage you to read this!! Shape yourself into that person you want to be. I'll just give you her link because she explained it better than I ever could. Check out her other posts, too! She's an awesome mama!

Catch ya later, dudes..