What a brain I have.
What a brain my brain must think it is.
I have this huge habit of over thinking things and just digging myself into this trench. My brain thinks it can tell assume what people are thinking about me. I used to really care what people thought about me. I've never let it actually show, but I really wanted to please everyone. Now- I am really not that way. Of course, I'd still prefer to get along with everyone but now I'm thinking "Who cares! I'm going to do my own thing regardless." Especially now, with this CRAP on my face, I'm now realizing, it's just whatever. I can tell who's really a true/potential friend to me. I'll keep on keepin' on.
Other than that, I've been getting down on myself so bad for things I can't seem to get done. I am a total master list maker and now, it will take me an entire 2 days to check off a 4 item list of "to-do's". I am constantly getting frustrated with myself that I can't "do it all". It can sound silly if you want, but I'm just used to getting it all done flawlessly! I can have everything dusted, washed, cleaned, scrubbed, and sanitized. I have a dry-erase board on the fridge and all it ever says is which bills to pay, what things need to be done, and when to take the trash to the road. BORING! I spend my mornings with Ellie but can stare at my to do list and turn the other way and find something more "fun" to do. Is this house wife rebellion??? If so, I hope it doesn't last too long, because I don't want to get sloppy. As of now, I am sucking it up and doing what I need to but can't I just hang out for a while?? No more duties, please.
My priorities are still ever changing, and it's because Noelle is changing so much, in a way. I have made a few friends at work, so I'm figuring I'm not so much a loser anymore, hahaha! But she is in that stage to where she tries to do what she wants and it can be embarrassing. It's not really her being bad, but it's her being a KID. I'm still adjusting into that myself, because she's so sweet, but now she's sweet when she needs to be! She knows what she's doing. I brought her into work today on my day off and she did exactly what a typical KID would do. She was shy and quiet (kind of), she didn't listen to anything I said, and just about threw a fit every time I stopped her from doing something she wanted to do. Instead of hooking it up with high fives to go around as usual, she kept saying "Romeo" (our dog) and "shoes"... which is a crazy stand off for a 1 1/2 yr old that has a huge vocabulary of a gillion words. She's so social at the darn grocery store, so it was frustrating for her to act differently to people I actually know and want her to like! I guess this is just the beginning of having a soon to be two year old. Maxx and I both agreed today that we need to get her out more. We used to go to the park all the time and do out doors things but life is happening and it's easy to forget. She needs to be out other than the grocery store, etc. (btw, she had her first day of daycare yesterday and she did awesome! I lost it, but she did great and the staff was fantastic.) Anyway, Noelle is still my #1 no DOUBT, but I am wanting to actually do other things after her bed time now. Before, I was complacent just hanging out on the couch till I shuffled to bed, but now I want to have some sort of social life again. Nothing crazy, I am still Mama, but I want to enjoy being around people again. I still want to be 22. Maxx and I should still have some fun besides having people over every weekend. I love that it's low key but at the same time, we need to get out, too. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy mama as is, but I think getting out will boost it up :)
On another note.. we're leaving for Florida in 9 dayssss!! I work 7 days straight leading up to our vacation, but it'll be worth it. I can't wait to see my mom, brothers, my Nana, and my cousin! Eeepp! We're also planning a trip down to Key West while we're there. Paradise! Maxx has never been, and to bring Noelle is going to be GREAT!
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| Tweeting? |
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| Blueberry baby |
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| My cousin/best friend Melissa and I |
All in all, I'm grateful for where I am in my life and the place God has brought me. It's all because of Him.
You are a great mama! Life is CrAzY. Take it from me I am 34 and have 3 stepsons whom I adore....but I don't know how their mama does it on a daily! Take it as it comes, have faith in who you are and love life for what it is! Because it is AWESOME! I love you! Hope to see you while you're here! Keep doing what you're doing mama ;•) ♥ Nikki. Xoxoxo
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