A (very) open (embarassing) letter

Alright then, I am going to write this blog.

This isn't really that big of a deal in reality.. but to me this is heartbreaking.

Here goes. I get cold sores. That's it. It doesn't sound all crazy like "I have cancer" or something much more serious, but this is a very public issue for a pretty vain person. (I mean, I am not really a vain person but in reality we all are at least a little).

I am about to explain every reason I need to justify this. Anyone who does not get them will not have the ability to understand. But getting cold sores are obviously not the worst thing that people have (visually, especially).

There are some people with extreme skin cancer, moles all over their face, scars, burns, discoloration, warts and many more things to see as a bystander. When you see these people what do you think and do? Some try not to stare, some just stare directly at them, and others just treat them the same as before. I am not trying to compare my situation to others, but I'm trying to explain how much I can understand what others go through with visual situations.

Well my story is simple, I have been getting them since I was very young. I get them maybe once a year, sometimes once every 2 years. It's always been so hard. It's a pain that I cannot explain. Not physically, but with every double take of a stranger, every stare, glance, whisper, and even from my own thoughts about just wondering what they're thinking of me hurts me so much.

Can you imagine? Do you know what a cold sore even is? Do you understand how people must feel? There isn't a thing a person can do to make you feel better but to treat you the exact same as they did before the giant thing appeared on your face just a few hours before. I have learned so, SO much from reading other people's blogs about some embarrassing situations they've been through. I've learned from reading it and people's story can make someone else feel better to know that they're not the only person going through it. I've been that person. The person that you think you're the ONLY person in the world that's going through that something.

Let me break this down and clear some facts up here.

Cold sores are also known as Fever blisters. I usually call it a fever blister, for some reason it sounds less ugly to me. Anyway, they are small blisters in/around the mouth. I only get them around the outside of my mouth. They are  contagious when the person is having an outbreak. It's not like your going to spread them at all times! You spread them through kissing, etc. I am not saying they can't be spread when someone isn't showing symptoms but it's definitely not as likely to happen. I do not kiss my baby or my husband the entire time I have the slightest symptom. That is just being careless and I WOULD NOT wish this on anyone. Especially my daughter! She is so beautiful and special, I pray that she would never feel this kind of pain.

Ok now, The most common assumption people have is that just because you have a cold sore, it means you have an STD. NOT TRUE. It hurts so bad to hear that, especially when you have been getting them since you were young. There are two types of the virus, Herpes Simplex Virus 1 and 2. HSV-1 is usually acquired orally during childhood and HSV-2 is usually sexually transmitted. I have HSV-1 since I got it as a child and it does not have anything to do with pertaining to sex. A good place to get pretty accurate information is HERE. please read this link, too. Also, about 80% of the US population has been exposed to it but not everyone "shows it". Cold sores are triggered by stress, fever, sun, weather changes, menstruation, foods (chocolate, beer...)

Anyway, this entire post is completely embarrassing for me. People will look at me differently from here on out. But this isn't who I am. I'm not disgusting or anything of the sort. It's a matter of circumstance to be honest. I decided to write this because A) I wanted people to know the facts. B) To help anyone else who gets them, and C) to free myself from it.

I feel like when I get a cold sore, I want to hide in a hole the entire 7 (more or less) days till it goes away. Unfortunately, I had to work the first 2 days (aka-the worst days). I decided to wear a band-aid over it to work (usually it isn't good to bandage it- you want it to dry out) but at work, I didn't want people to just stare. I felt like if they looked at a band-aid, it was better to wonder what was going on versus disgusted stares and whispers. Sigh. Also, I was lucky enough to have it be my husband's bday and all our friends came over for cake. Yay! CRAPP!!! IT WAS HUMILIATING! There are no other words. OK, I got back off track.

As I was saying, I wanted to write this to show my humility. Explaining this to the "public" is freeing me to no longer feel trapped inside this "secret". No one is perfect or has a perfect life. I feel as if this was God's way of pulling the reigns in a bit and putting my feet back on the ground. Sometimes, it's easy to get away from the important things (God) and focus on the "cosmetics" of ourselves. I can focus on coloring my hair, tweezing my brows, perfecting my eyeliner, giving myself a pedicure... I think this is just His way of saying "Kara, you're not perfect and need to stop trying to be. You're a human."

You may think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it is, but again, it's hard to put yourselves in other people's shoes. I just want people to try and understand.

Alright. The time has come to click "Publish" and I'm going to pray now... lol! It's ok to talk about and ask questions, just no jokes- please (preferably not even behind my back.)

xoxo